Below are my daughter Molly’s poetry relating to heroin addiction, recovery efforts and what life is like through the eyes of an addict. It was Molly’s wish and now my mission to share her very powerful poetry with the world in hopes of possibly preventing just one less overdose, one person to fight a little harder with recovery and think twice before trying these deadly drugs.
When the Devil Knocks
Don’t do drugs; I know how you think.
“It’s just one line. It’s just one drink.”
But sooner or later you’ll start to sink
To a deep dark place where the sun doesn’t shine
And all the time you think you’re fine
But the Devil keeps getting inside your head
Waking you up, dragging you out of bed
Saying, “Get up, start your day. Your habit must be fed.”
And no matter how bad you want to stay asleep
Your using has increased, way too steep
And you may never find inner peace
With the Devil dragging you back out to the streets.
He’ll help you lie. He’ll help you steal.
He’ll help you forget what it’s like to feel
Remorse or guilt toward the people you’ve used.
You’re not the only one who feels abused.
It affects you and all the people you love.
They all just want to see you live above
The influence that brought you to hell and back.
Who knows if you’ll ever be back on track?
Once you’re hooked, there’s no second guess,
You’ve already turned into a fucking mess.
So maybe when the Devil knocks on your door,
Tell him you’ve got other plans in store.
You don’t need him telling you what to do.
All you need is faith.
The rest is up to you.
Molly Ina O’Donnell
Reflection of Addiction
We all have different but the same stories. I’ve come to the conclusion that we are
just like the pre-aids movement. I want to help, I want to speak, I want to be a part
of the solution, I want to see a change.
Due to the stigma, backlash, job, where we’re at in this journey, and people telling
us that our loved one is better off dead, we freeze. Our fears were their fears during
that movement. We must dig deep and find that place where “We don’t give a crap
anymore because our love ones are dying” and pull it out and make a stand. I
understand that it’s hard, but so is another funeral. We’ve come a long way in the
last 2 years but we’ve only scratch the surface.
I say this with Love and Understanding, but: Those in the 12 step fellowship, we
need you. Those have been in recovery for years, we need you. Families that lost a
precious love one, we need you. Those that are hiding because you are afraid of
what will happen, we need you. We need everyone!
We are all in this together and unless we’re together to bring a unity voice, then I
guess we’re not really in this together.
Mending My Heart
By: Thomas Verde
I woke up this morning
my body writhing in pain,
my heart sad and empty,
all numb in my brain.
Feeling so helpless,
and so all alone,
not sure what to do
to gain control back in my home.
I could not stop thinking
of what I could do,
to be able to cure
the loved one I once knew.
I loaded myself
with so much shame, fear and guilt,
that I have shut out the world
with this wall that I’ve built.
I have cried out to myself,
why did this have to be?
What did I do wrong in my life,
to deserve this burden placed directly on me?
I sat there—
hopelessly lost in my mind,
when I realized it was help
that I needed to find.
Then I went to a meeting,
sat down in a chair,
and I listened to others
who decided to share.
I cried as I related
my story to theirs,
at that moment I realized
we all share the same fears.
I found solace and comfort,
made many new friends.
Soon I learned this disease
is one without end.
I did not cause it, can’t cure it,
it’s not mine to control.
It is up to my addict
to save their own soul.
Once you start to accept
that it’s not yours to fix,
when you learn to let go lovingly,
and detach from their grip,
when you can control your emotions,
and ride out the pain,
that’s when you know the program is working,
so you go back again.
Slowly I’m learning
how to manage my life.
It does not come easy,
nor without strife.
Some days are harder
than others to bare,
but when the going gets tough,
I know that someone is there.
It might be their words,
a hug, or a handshake or two,
or maybe a story of theirs
that sounds like some of mine do.
Small acts of kindness
that comfort the soul,
things that I need to hear
to help make my life whole.
So I would like to say thanks
to all my Nar-Anon family of friends,
for being there when I needed you most,
and helping a heavy heart mend.